(Written mid-April...)
I have been back on Falalus for just over a week now but time seems to expand here, so it has felt much longer (maybe it’s because being on the ship for a week seems to suck up time!). Plus, things are going well. One of the biggest differences for me here so far (other than not being miserable with a resident parasite in my gut) is that I’m following my dear, wise friend Barbara’s advice to be an ‘observer,’ which she said means letting go of the outcome. To me this means simply being present (which is made ever so much easier on an island where there really isn’t much choice!). It also means not letting what might/could/should/may/can be to crush or stifle what is.
And so I’m trying to let go. I’m trying to let go of the outcomes of this whole ‘Peace Corps Experience.’ I’m especially trying to let go of the outcomes of these next 2-3 months before the next training. Shoot, I’m even trying to let go of how my island cooking concoctions turn out! (To date, the tahini-less hummus was fabulous, the corn meal mush was satisfactory, and the polenta scrumptious.)
Of course, the task of letting go might be made much easier with some divine stroke of clarity or omniscience as to how the present will unfold and expand into the future. But then again, there’s something to be said for the Bend in the Road and all that lies beyond. Leaves plenty scope for the imagination, as my dear friend Anne Shirley would say. Besides, I’m finding that sometimes consciously letting go can be easier than unconsciously holding on. Some eggs can crack themselves if we let them ;-P
Each evening at sunset I have been heading to the ‘end of the island’ to ‘checkii yaai phone,’ or check my new satellite phone for messages (which works wonderfully so far! THANK YOU to everyone who has sent me messages so far, it really does make me feel connected and I’m sending you positive energy back!). Faalimaase, the name of where I go, is on the western side of the island. Everyone else thinks it’s haunted, so I pretty much get it to myself, which is a rare occurrence on this highly communal island. Being alone and in such an idyllic setting, I am able to have a daily check-in – with my friends/family via satphone, with my body via yoga, and with my heart via meditation. As I arose from a savassana the other day, I simply had to laugh at how surreal it is to find myself where I am! It’s moments like these that help me sink into the present.
Speaking of sinking, the island might be sinking – the beach is much steeper and narrower than before – or it might just be seasonal. Whatever the case, it makes it easier for me to run in the morning while it’s still dark (I have to run then when no one can see me) because there’s now a clear path at the top of the beach. (Special thanks to Uncle Tim for the great headlamp that a.) stays in place and b.) has great range so I don’t end up running into a coconut tree )
In my time on Yap I received a flabbergasting outpouring of support and supplies, and I can never be grateful enough! I have food galore, teaching resources, books, candles, yarn, you name it! I even have three choices of water filtration systems to choose from to help me stay healthy (plus lots of traditional and modern remedies). The water filter I’m using now is just about the coolest thing ever – it’s called the SteriPen (and comes from Blue Hill, Maine of all places!). It’s basically a UV light wand that I use to stir the water for about a minute and it takes care of all the germies! Neato!
My language skills continue to improve bit by bit, and the kids are learning English bit by bit. For instance, some of the kids now say ‘hi,’ which is something I had to teach them (there’s no greeting in this language other than “buutogo mwongoo,” or “come eat”). Anyway, it may seem small, but it’s good for my soul. I need to be careful, though, because I today I somehow found myself in the thick of an all-out discussion of all the English swear words my 7th and 8th graders know (and I may have unintentionally taught them some, I’m not gonna lie). Here’s how it went down. I began the class with a warm-up activity explaining the important difference between the letters P and B (thanks to PCV Mike for the example). Take, for instance, the following sentences – “I eat crab” and “I eat crap.” One letter makes a big difference in what you say, but most of the kids have trouble pronouncing the difference. In order for this example to really hit home, however, the kids needed to know what ‘crap’ meant…which led to a discussion of how “poop” was the good way to say it, “crap” was in the middle of the field, and “sh*t” was at the bottom of the ladder. This little discussion snowballed and soon I found myself throwing out all propriety and cultural norms in a full-steam-ahead discussion of “kepate ngawe,” or bad words. We covered everything from expletives and derogative terms for women to racial slurs and sexuality. Oy vey! I did my best to maintain a thread of integrity and pushed the importance of understanding and comprehending the words you use so as to not hurt people intentionally or unintentionally. One of the best/most awkward parts was that my principal/co-teacher walked into the classroom late in the heat of the discussion. He looked at the board, I sputtered out some explanation/apology, saying that maybe this wasn’t the best lesson for us to team-teach, and he left before even sitting down! It was one of those classic moments and I hope my students appreciated it as much as I did :-)
And with that yarn, it’s time I wrapped this update up. Thank you, as ever, for your love and support.
Whee! Emily
PS – Tiny is ever so much bigger than I expected, but she still likes to ride on my shoulder :-) She sends her love, too!
